Section 1: In Anticipation > Chapter 1: Butterflies

May 13th, 2010

I'm afraid to be happy. 15 days hence I begin a journey I dreamt of when I was all of 10. Now, 23 years later, that dream seems to be increasingly giving in to reality. And I'm afraid. Afraid that reality might finally win. Afraid that I will finally experience all that I thought it was, and scarier still, all that I never imagined. What if I like... no, what if I love it? What if I get addicted to it? What if I never wanna return? What if my body returns, but my mind never leaves.

And what if reality loses? What if the whole thing falls apart?

15 days is a long wait, far longer than 23 years, just shy of eternity...

I am told that genuine happiness is not a feeling. Its the lack of it. Its the comfortable, peaceful, tranquil numbness of a soul that would rather be no-where else. Its when the questions stop. Its when the answers don't matter. Its when one plus one equals one - you and the experience, inter-twined in a cosmic orgy. Its when you lose yourself to an experience worthy of conquering you. Where the universe seems to have but one purpose - of bringing the two together...

15 days... remind me to breathe...